I fear saying that out loud at the risk of sounding like I'm ungrateful. Oh poor me. I get to live in another country and try new things everyday. I get to meet new people and see places people only dream about. Whine whine whine. I know how it sounds and it isn't good.
It sounds so cruel. I'm doing things other are wishing they could do. I'm living this different life that other's wish they could experience even if just for a little while and here I am complaining. It seems as if I'm not counting my blessings. But, sometime's it is hard living away from everything I know.
I've struggled with depressed since 2005. I say that like it is on a timeline or something. But, it kind of is. My therapist explained it as situational depression. The situations I'm in play a part in how I feel. I've come really far since those dark days in 2005 and my great fear is slipping back into that dark hole and never surfacing again. Never being able to see the light. Sometime's I feel like I'm headed right back down that road and I'm trying with all my might to change my course. It makes me so tired.
Everything can't be rosy all the time and it isn't here in my life in Scotland. Sometime's I cry and crave to be near the things that I know. The things that make me comfortable and my support system. Then I'm afraid of crying too much because what if I never stop?
I'm not always depressed. Don't worry. Scotland feels like my normal now. As much as it can. I'm sure if I did move back to the USA it would be a huge shock to me. We made the decision to stay here and I'm pleased with that decision. I feel that it is right. But life isn't always greener on the other side of the fence ;)
This is my fear and my truth; Sometimes I don't like living here in Scotland and I'm depressed.
I'm participating in blog everyday in May.