Being a Monica

 

I'm a Monica. I can't even believe it. After taking this personality test I've just been crazy thinking about the fact that I'm a Monica. Which makes me a Monica!! Am I really that neurotic?!

I'm a Monica and it pains me to write that. While I'm not a "neat freak" I do happen to like things done it a certain way/order. When LD tries to help me I freak out a little bit until I find myself yelling for him to stop. Seriously. What is wrong with me?! The man wants to help me do some of the chores and I am telling him to stop because he isn't doing it the right way. *facepalm*

I'm a Monica. I was going to start cleaning the apartment on Saturday afternoon. But, I had to do things in order of importance before I could even start. I had to unload the groceries, which then led to organizing the cupboards. Then I needed to start some laundry because why waste such precious time when I was cleaning. That whole kill two birds with one stone thing. Then I needed to start the dishwasher because well three birds with one stone is even better! I kept going on like that and I hadn't even started cleaning! Once I started cleaning I had to start at the bottom and work my way up {we live on 3 floors}. LD came in the kitchen to get Sebastian a snack. He left the wrappers on the counter. I then had to wipe down the whole kitchen again before I could move on with the house cleaning. Just because of some wrappers!

I'm a Monica. I can be competitive. But just watch out. I need to win. I don't play any sports {I have not a single athletic bone in my body} but I do love a good board game. This summer I went to camp with the teenagers from my church. I taught them how to play Phase 10. I was secretly coming up with a strategy to beat them all. I wanted to beat kids! I have a problem. When LD and I play a game {doesn't matter what it is} we play for something. The prize is always enticing.There is something in me that has to beat him!

I'm a Monica. I can be bossy. I don't mean to be but I think I can see all angles and so people should just listen to me and I'll solve all their problems. Because seriously, I could if they just did what I told them to do. I tell LD every Saturday morning what we are doing for the day. The whole day. I've planned out every minute. No wonder than man doesn't want to do a single thing after church on Sunday!

Even reading over this post makes me cringe. I can't believe I'm a Monica. I'm embarrassed. But, I also have some light shed on me. I can see clearly now... and I want to just chill out a bit.

Monica has some really good qualities too though. We're both fiercely loyal friend. My Mom says, "When you're friends with Mary, you're her friend for life." Its true. When you're my friend I've got your back. Always. You can count on me. I don't do fake friends.

I'm a Monica. While I may not have liked to see myself in such a way, I am who I am. I'm working on not being so neurotic and trying to give up control more often. I'm going to accept that I'm a Monica and rock it!!

1,000 Words For Rain

We've had the most awesome summer. Weeks of un-ending sun. Temperatures in the high 70s. It has been bliss. Pure bliss. I so needed a summer like this. After this past winter I just needed the sun. I needed it to warm me from the inside out. I got it. I'm feeling whole again. Happy and fulfilled.

The rain is back. But, I'm not sad about it. I am actually happy to see it. Is that weird? Last week was full of hard rain. The kind that washes everything away so you can start fresh. A new day. The kind that makes you just want to curl up on the couch and read a book.

I'm watching the rain come down and listening to it beat against the window pane. I've cracked the window just a bit to enjoy the cool breeze. I'm reading a book and working on my never ending moving to-do list. Sebastian is on the floor next to me playing with a pile of pennies and a naked Barbie doll we found at church yesterday. And I'm just enjoying the rain.

I've fought so hard this rain. I haven't wanted to let it in. I have let it make me depressed over the years. I've let it dictate how I spend my days. But this rain...it feels different. It is making me happy. Like an old friend come back to say hello. I never ever thought I'd say that.

Maybe that is what has been my problem all along. I've not let it become a part of me. I've always felt that accepting this Scottish rain would mean sadness. That it would mean I would have to be afraid of not knowing when I'd see the sun again. I thought it would make me Scottish. I'm not Scottish. I'm American. I thought accepting the rain would mean depression. That I'd be locked in a dark cave with no way out. It isn't that way anymore.

At least not today. I will miss the sun. I will always want her back. She is welcome to come to Scotland as much as she can. But, this rain belongs here. Maybe I'm beginning to belong here too.